A Different Kind of Independence Day

independence day domestic abuse

I’ve been quiet in this space for a while, taking an unintentional hiatus through the last months of this school year. I think I’ve had such a hard time writing anything because in my heart I knew the words I needed to write, but I was too afraid to let them go out into the world. Today, it’s time.

I moved to this city in a mix of excitement and feelings of absolute terror. I was lost in the beginning stages of a completely unhealthy relationship. The “I’m so sorry” and “It’ll never happen again” sayings were plentiful and I believed it. I didn’t see the push to move here as the isolating move that it was- I couldn’t have. And I was silent about it, unable to tell anyone what was happening. In public we had the perfect relationship. In public, he treated me like the only woman in the world. I felt ashamed of myself and it got worse as time passed and his words and actions made me feel more small and insignificant.

After moving here it all became more frequent and more severe. He became a man I no longer knew, but would fight for all the same. His actions became unspeakable, and yet I stayed. I stayed and fought for too long. And he controlled and hurt again and again until I finally was able to stand up. To drive away and not go back. To tell small pieces of what happened to close friends. To live again.

Now, I refuse to live in the shadow of his abuse. I refuse to live in this city in fear or seeing him or being reminded that he had that kind of control. He doesn’t have it anymore.

I do.

I moved here because of one of the greatest opportunities I could ask for. A prestigious program that allows me to get this master’s degree while still teaching the children that I love. I am in a city full of beauty and culture and am surrounded by people who I love and who love me back.

I may have come to Chicago partially under the worst of circumstances, but now, a year later, I’m ok. This city is not his. I am not his.

This is mine.



17 thoughts on “A Different Kind of Independence Day

  1. ana

    I applaud your bravery in showcasing the brutal actions of this man who was supposed to love and cherish you , as someone who was abused as a child it can be difficult to talk about the events but by doing so it makes you stronger . By revealing your past you can connect on a personal level with your readers . Thank you for this post it made me feel very emotional xx http://analuisadejesus199.wix.com/fadedspring

  2. Jessica Lynn

    My heart goes out to you, and I hope you’re able to find peace and joy in your situation. I also applaud you for writing about this, because I’m sure it’ll help other women out there.

  3. Miss Angie

    I am so sorry to hear that this happened to you, but it is amazing how you’ve rallied and been able to be stronger than your experience! Best of luck going forward!

  4. Kassi

    Kudos to you girl for sticking it out in a place where you can be who you want to be!! Happy thoughts for your journey now!!

  5. Katie @ Little House of Four

    I commend you for being so open about your struggles. I’m sure there are many women that are going through a similar situation and I hope they find strength to stand up for themselves like you have. You are a brave women and I wish you all the best!

  6. Star Traci

    You are brave and strong. I am so sorry you endured that but I am cheering you on! Happy independence Day to you. Know that you are not alone and many will support you on your path.
    My best,

  7. Jaclyn Kent

    Happy independence day to you. Being a survivor of any kind of abuse – and a survivor that found the right strategy to walk away – you have great power to speak up and share with others. It seems like this is the first post that you’ve opened up about this and I hope it’s not the last.

  8. Caroline

    And now that you have said it to the world you have even more power! I haven’t written about my survival story on my blog because my children read it. But form one survivor to another- never look back, keep moving forward and ALWAYS trust your gut. Write down the warning signs you missed because it is VERY easy to miss them again when the endorphins of love cloud your vision. When they are written down it will help bring you back to earth! If I can ever offer you support of any kind, please do not hesitate to email me!

  9. Patrice M Foster

    Great story about your struggle and how you overcome the hardship . Keep a journal I am sure you have many more interesting stories that will help other women who are going through something and not sure what to do. Thanks for sharing.


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