The holidays are wonderful. But oh, at times they are hard.
They are hard in many ways that I know are unique to me, and in ways that I know touch many more than just me. I know I’m not alone in my grief.
Beware here, friends. I’m about to bear my heart with you for a bit.
The holidays are such a joyful time. They are a reminder of the good and light in the world and of what we have accomplished in another year. They are a reminder of love and of peace and family and close friends. They are a reminder of just how far we’ve come.
For me, they are also a reminder of my sweet sister. Of the New Years Eve we spent huddled at her bedside and sleeping on an air mattress at my brother’s house, waiting for hope, hoping for healing. They are a reminder of the phone call. The one I felt before I got, the one where I knew.
They are a reminder of crawling into my brother’s lap and crying. Writhing with a pain I never knew possible. Hurting in places I didn’t know existed. A reminder of the moment I became 5 years old again and just needed to be held.
They are a reminder of how life can change so drastically in such a short time.
Today is heavy. January 6th.
I don’t have much more to say in this space for now, so I’ll leave it with this.
My heavy heart today is taking these reminders and pouring the intensity of what I am feeling into giving everything I’ve got to a classroom of babes that need me. I’m loving a little harder today. I am taking my sister’s strength and humor with me as I start this new year. And of course, I’m taking her love of Kenny Chesney with me as I listen to music while I get ready for work.
Remember love today, friends.