Category Archives: Teaching

Tomorrow.

(Bare with me here, I’m on some cold meds and my mind isn’t quite at peak performance, but I feel the need to write this out tonight. Every teacher in my school is sick right now, yuck! We all shared the same germs, I suppose!)

Wow, is it the end of summer already? I guess it is, and I guess that’s why my mind and body feel so confused. I know it’s not news to anyone to hear that post-grad life is hard and confusing when you don’t know what exactly you’re supposed to be doing with your life.

Tomorrow is my last day of teaching my kiddos.

Tomorrow is move in day at Agnes Scott College for the new first-years. The new yellow class. The class that will take over what we left behind.

My heart feels like I belong there. Like that’s still the life I get to live. But it’s not. I am not supposed to be there as Orientation Council to help move in the new class. I’m not supposed to be returning for another year of classes at my beloved Agnes. I’m not supposed to be settling into Rebekah 304 with Maddie (even though I totally would still want to do this part).

This is a new phase of my life.

I don’t get to go back to that life.

And though it seems a bit silly and pretty obvious to type it out, it doesn’t feel obvious. I feels a lot harder than I expected. Giving up what I knew and thrived in has been harder than I thought it would be, simply because I didn’t realize that graduating meant living a new life. Agnes Scott will always be an important part of my life, but that’s not my life anymore.

I am no longer a college student. I am no longer a student at Agnes Scott. That’s not what my life is anymore.

I know this is getting repetitive, but I’m trying to find a way to put into words what I’ve been feeling. I’m failing, clearly, but I feel…

I still feel like a college student. I still feel too young to have already been through and graduated from college. I feel like I’m not quite ready. But then again, life doesn’t wait until your ready.

It just comes along, happens, and passes all before you know it.

However, I feel confident in my ability to take on whatever challenge and adventure comes next. Having attended Agnes Scott makes me feel ready to take on the world, albeit one day at a time. And maybe I don’t feel quite like I’m supposed to twenty-something just yet, but I feel like I have the foundation to face this life head on, and work hard to figure out what comes next.

Today.

Image

 

Today, as my students were hiking this hill, cheering each other on, sweating together, struggling together, and laughing together, other children were huddled in back bathrooms on a lock down.

Today, as my students were triumphantly smiling for more pictures and making “muscle man” poses, the only cameras others saw were news cameras.

Today, as my children ran freely in a park, played innocently in the lawn and on the playground, others faced fear and danger.

Today, I am again reminded of how blessed I have been to work in a place that is, so far, considered safe. I am blessed to not have had major security problems. I am blessed that I can field trip days like today. I am blessed that my students are all safe.

However, my school has similar safety and security procedures as this one and it reminds me just how uncertain each day can be.

I will hug each of my students a little tighter tomorrow as they come in, and we will review lock down procedures once more tomorrow.

Though my time with my students ends on Friday, their safety will forever be important.

Every student’s safely will forever be important. My heart is heavy for the children in Decatur that had to go through what they did today and that people still think it is okay to do things like this in schools. I am thankful that no one was injured.

I am thankful. I am blessed.

These children fill my heart and sometimes break it.

In which, teaching will show you the best and worst sides of humanity.

Today, after nap time when the little ones came out of their room to join my class in our “transition games” before snack and splitting back up, one of our girls was just having a hard time waking up. She so very sweetly came up to me, rubbing her eyes, telling me she missed her mommy. Sweet child. As I comforted her, she (quite sneakily) climbed into my lap and snuggled right in.

Let me tell you, sometimes 30 minutes holding a sweet 4 year old will just fill your heart and soul and with so much love and hope for this world. When her mom picked her up she was still snuggled in my lap, and as she got up she hugged me tighter and told me she loved me. If that’s not enough to make a person smile, I just don’t know what is.

On the other side:

I was chatting with one of my students close to the time he was to be picked up when he mentioned he was hungry. I replied with the usual for these kids “It’s almost time to go home and then it’ll be dinner time! Getting close!”

Instead of the usual reply of “Oooooookaaay.” I got, “Oh, we don’t have dinner at my house“.

Broke. My. Heart. I know I can’t do it every day, but you best believe I made the kid a sandwich to eat. I hate that this student isn’t the only one going without food at home. I hate that some of my students go home to abuse, or neglect, or fighting. I hate that I can’t magically make all their troubles go away every time I hear things like this. I just have to keep telling myself that I’m doing the best I can, I suppose.

And I am. I am an adult they can count on. I am one they can trust. I am one they know loves and cares for them. I am one they can turn to when they are hurt.

I will be the best I can for these kids. I know it’s all I can really do.

Overall, I love this job, and I love what I am able to do for these children. I often wish I could do so much more, but I know I am doing what I am meant to for now.

It’s July 28th already!

Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve been on this little blog! I’m so sorry for being away so long, life has been a whirlwind!

I moved into an apartment with no internet (yeah, breaking that addiction was interesting!), began my teaching job (my only source of internet) and have been loving it so far!

My students are the absolute coolest. I seriously could not ask for a better group of kids. They’ve kept me challenged and made me laugh more times than I can count. Watching them as they’ve grown even in these past couple of months has been so rewarding. Seeing them learn and get interested in the material has been great. We’ve has our trials and our road bumps but for the most part I’ve had a great support system around me and we’re getting through!

As for my own life, this past month has been about making big life decisions. I’ve been torn between moving back to Atlanta and moving back home to be with my parents. I love the city of Atlanta and all my friends (and boyfriend!) are back there, and I know my job opportunities are wider there. However, my father’s health isn’t the best, and being so far away just doesn’t seem like the best idea for right now.

Today, I made a decision.

When the summer ends, I will leave my teaching job and move up to my parents’ house. I will go to school at one of the local universities for a second bachelors degree. This time, in elementary education.

So I’m putting off the whole solo-living in Atlanta plan for now. It’ll still happen, but maybe not for another year or so. I know my friends understand. I know my boyfriend understands. They are all, of course, ok with it and supportive of what I feel I need to do.

It’s not going to be easy, but in the end I know family is worth it.

One.

I’ve been feeling kind of “meh” lately. Between moving and leaving everything I’ve known for the past four years and trying to make this transition into living in Idaho and not being a college student anymore, I have to admit it’s been a little rough.

However, today when I was browsing the TV channels (cause I can do things like that now- no papers to write!) I saw a commercial about education that shared some stats about Idaho. While the commercial was quite sad (we’re ranked 48th in the nation! OUCH!) it also pointed out that although right now I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing much, I actually have done something that not many people do.

As you can watch in this video,

For every 10 high school first-years in Idaho, 8 will graduate from high school.

4 will go to college.

1 will graduate from college.

ONE.

I am that one.

The teacher in me wants to make sure that in the next generation there are many more than just ONE. The recent grad in me is damn proud to be that one.

A a woman, I know the odds were even greater against me.

As a Latina, I know the odds were WAY higher that I would drop out or get pregnant than graduate from college.

I know it may seem like a small thing, but right now it’s big. And it’s real. And that’s something that I’m proud of.

Rewards.

“But teachers don’t make anything! You won’t be able to afford things!”

I’ve heard these things a few times lately as if I hadn’t thought about the financial implications of my job of choice. For me, money’s not what will determine my future career aspirations. I want to do something I’m passionate about and that I can enjoy. Right now, that’s teaching for me. That may change with time but for now I have a job that I love and that I don’t dread going to work to.

I may not get financial rewards or have fancy things, but I have enough.

And I have them:

2013-04-04 19.39.10 2013-03-05 16.45.03

Though these kids are some that I babysit rather than teach, I still believe that they are helping me to become a better teacher every day. I believe that building relationships with children is essential to being able to teach them and that understanding how they think and learn is incredibly important.

That’s enough for me, for now.

I will be the best teacher I can be. I will be poor and happy.